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The trials and tribulations of living with alop1001041_10201351303654543_1738622214_necia were quite difficult.  The first hurdle was acceptance and the second was dating and relationships. As an adolescent, boyfriends weren’t really a priority but as I moved into high school and as my condition worsened, I got very worried. How do you tell a guy that you suffer hair loss? Will they like you anyway? Do you not say anything unless it comes up? These are all questions that any young girl, teenager or woman would ponder. I did have boyfriends but the funny thing is, I really never discussed my hair issues. No one asked and I didn’t volunteer. I think maybe in their eyes, the hats and scarves were a sign of a religious attire and some may have thought it was my unique style. Then there were those that I didn’t fool at all, it just didn’t matter. In fact, I found in some instances that the truth was already known after I had agonized over it.

Keeping Quiet
As a young girl, I never entered relationships thinking about the hard conversations I would eventually have to have about my alopecia.  My household was very strict so dating was not much of a worry. In fact, it was a way to escape having to be with guys in situations where conversation could turn into a true confessions fiasco. Eventually serious relationships happened; however, often times, as young love goes,  they ended in teenage heartbreak before I ever had to delve into medical stuff. Again, off the hook.

Relationships Eventually Elevate to the Next Level, Yikes!
I’ve been married 30 years. So how did that happen? Alopecia and Relationships work!

I eventually withdrew from relationships.  I was prepared to live without true love, married life, kids, etc. It was easier that way. As I moved on, I kept getting nudged by this guy. He tried to date me when I was a senior in high school but I was too busy plotting my runaway scheme. I didn’t have time for relationships. After I settled down into life a little, he started poking at me again. asking me out, feeding me delicious meals and just sort of, well dating me. He sent me a letter and in that letter one of the things he said that I will never forget went something like this:

“I have been admiring you and by-the-way I already know about the hair thing. My brother told me, it’s not an issue.” ~Reginald Stanfield

Of course the letter was longer but you get the point. As I reflect on that statement, I realize that no matter what you think is horrific, probably really isn’t that bad at all.

The Take Away – Alopecia and Relationships Endure
It’s really true what they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there is room for love in your life. The other day I ran across an inspirational passage that sums things up. The first thing to let go of is trying to “get” love, and instead to give it. That’s the secret of the spiritual path”. ~ Ayya Khema.  Just remember that love comes when you least expect it. If you give love, you will get love in return. You learn as I did that things aren’t really as bad as they seem and love endures all.

Have you let your physical differences stop you from perusing meaningful relationships? Did you overcome that obstacle?

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