Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. – Dr. Seuss
Your Biological Grandfather is Not Who You Think
As I continued to cope with my new knowledge of my biological father as discussed in my previous post “Family Secrets: Joined by the Blood”, I moved on to the first of six important talks I needed to have starting with my daughter. I thought it was going to be devastating for her but looking back, it was by far the easiest conversation I think I’ve ever had with her on any level. Or at least if she were traumatized she never let on. Young people in their twenties are so resilient about some things. They have way more pressing items on their plates like does he love love me, does he not. The reality for them is that as long as they have their main support systems, then most other family challenges are not so daunting.
Our conversation was as simple as sitting down and my revealing the “family secret” in that I was recently made aware of whom my biological father is; hence, her biological grandfather. I didn’t go into too much more detail except that the grandfather she knows and loves is not tied to her biologically. There was no crying, screaming or resentment. Instead, she processed what I told her and was ready to carry on with her internet surfing. If there was suffering, I have not been made aware. I now realize that she may have been saying all along, “I have my parents, so no big deal, that’s your issue.”
Support Systems are a Necessity
The take away for me and maybe for anyone dealing with the unraveling of family secrets is that the stable disposition that my husband and I provided our child throughout her life made the difference in the result of the conversation about her grandfathers. I say grandfathers because all of a sudden she has two of them. One whom she’s always known but is not tied biologically and one she just learned about that is joined to her by blood. She appears to be okay with that because she has two loving parents which comes with it an endless support system. I had nothing to worry about and felt good that I could move on with my plan to meet my biological father for the first time with my family’s blessings.
Do you really know your family’s disposition?