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Life Lessons – You Win A Few, You Lose a Few!


It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone. ― John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent


Life and Loss


I think what John Steinbeck was conveying is that you don’t miss what you never had. BUT, things you lose that you’ve had the opportunity to have, hold and enjoy are those that tend to turn your world upside down. The journey is different for everyone.

Best friends are supposed to be forever. Every time I hear that song by Phyllis Hyman titled, “Old Friends”, I immediately begin to tear up. It’s just something about the title that gets next to me. It reminds me of losing one of the best friends I’d ever had to breast cancer. The worst part is that we had not been in touch in a while so the news was devastating. There’s noting like losing someone and knowing you never had the chance to say goodbye. I struggle with that. I’m so glad I got to know her. Her antics lives on through me and I show them everyday in the fellowship with friends.

The term crowing glory makes me sad but don’t you worry about my hair and don’t look for it. As India Arie stated, “I Am Not My Hair”. The loss of it made me stronger so I’m winning or at least I am today. It’s a talking point that’s not as important as life itself but a necessary conversation that I will have with you soon.

Children can be overrated. At some point down the road of child rearing, I lost my child. There’s no greater loss than that so while I can, I want to continue to learn how to coexist with the Gen Y revolution. There’s an art to it. When I have nailed it down completely I’ll let you know the trick. In the meantime, I’ll do what I can to bridge the Y/Boomer gap and realize that my child is human and beautiful in her own right. I think I’ve found her.

Foxy was a dog we adopted for our daughter. Before this time in my life, I didn’t have a true concept of what it’s like to lose a pet. Though I went with the program, I never wanted to take care of one. I ended up becoming attached to the collie/Pomeranian mixed puppy. RIP dear Foxy. I’ll never have another pet. It’s a life that will most likely die before me and that, I cannot intentionally phantom again.

Precious Metals are, well, precious. They say don’t fret over material things and even the Dalai Lama teaches not to get lost in them. BUT, it’s not about the cost, it’s about the giver; the thought; the occasion; and the sentimental value behind those things that gets me every single time. When I lose something, I feel like I’m losing a part of the person that gave it to me. The good news is that it can be replaced. Note to husband: Letting go is just not that easy.

Family tends to be a delicate subject; for me at least. I lost my grandmother. She lived a long life to 90 something but the selfish side of me longs for that silver gray hair that Diane Reeves speaks about in her song, “Better Days“. Ahh, Better Days; silver gray hair neatly combed in place; the Lords Prayer; angels; love on her face; I was 3 or 4; and I always wanted to have all the answers to all my questions. Those lyrics are the truth. While I haven’t been tucked-in in years, I remember what it felt like. Diane got it right. She wrote that song for me. Thank you.

Faith is a whole other matter. Don’t judge me. My faith is my own. I didn’t lose it like some lose religion, let’s just say that I take solace in the spiritual side of things.

Where there’s a win, there is most definitely a loss. I’m getting better at accepting both.

Do I have fears you ask? We all have an Achilles heel and kryptonite. How you choose to regain your strength is what separate’s us all. Over the next couple of months I will face my fears. With fear comes enlightenment and with enlightenment comes the credentials to tell your story and be a help and an inspiration. My losses have not been in vein, you’ll see.

Again, I quote John Stenbeck: “It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.” That is a deep thought because had I not experienced having any of these things I’ve taken for granted over the years, it seems that I wouldn’t have to worry about the anguish of losing and missing anything or anyone. In essence it sure would make loss so much easier to deal with. On the other hand, what a cop out! So! I choose happiness and continue to embrace good times; not dwell on my losses too much; and look forward to new stages and phases life has to offer. What that means is that losses are important steps to eventual happiness.


Have you accepted loss and more importantly, winning?


photo credit: atelier renskeherder via photopin cc