Marriage: Is It Happily Ever After?
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage”
The Long And Short of Love and Marriage
Before we’re able to walk or talk, we’re introduced to love and marriage; and happily ever after. Yup, our parents read those fairy tales to us. We learned that prince charming rides in, saves the day, and wins his princess and they ride into the sunset living happily ever after. As we grew older we sang along with lyrics that suggest that relationships are forever and that longevity is what’s hot. Chrisette Michele sings about “A Couple Of Forevers” and Heatwave showed us that our unions are, “Always And Forever”. Still, we have those fairy tales that are embedded in our minds no matter the generation. As I approach my 34th (+2) wedding anniversary, lately I’ve been dwelling on all of our years together. There were ups and and then the down times where I thought we wouldn’t make it hinging on the verge of divorce. Even now, we aren't skating downhill at warped speed but we’ve mastered how to navigate murky waters.
Eyes Wide Opened
Real Talk: In case your wedding is around the corner here are a few things that will be both the kryptonite and the glue that will either tear your marriage apart or mend it back together:
Money
In-Laws
Kids
Sex
Insecurities (i.e. baggage, etc.)
And not necessarily in that order and definitely not all will be an issue at the same time. They creep in when least expected. There will be arguments and hard feelings throughout. That crap about not going to bed mad, humph! That won’t work every time. Do your best to stay calm and regroup in the morning. These days couples appear to divide their finances each paying their assigned items independently. There’s somewhat of a contradiction here about holy matrimony and two becoming one. Pooling our money worked in my marriage especially during a time when we had to pinch every penny.
Oh Those Vows!
Through an historical lens, the promise to obey a husband carries negative connotations. The majority of modern women continue to interpret the meaning of the word as submission of freewill. ~About Style
Prior to our wedding, we requested of the minister to scratch the section in our vows about "obeying". There was something about promising to obey; instead, we chose to walk side-by-side. I'm not the subservient type.
Another important note, if you are not ready to take on your spouse's baggage as your own, GET OUT NOW! My husband has seen me through many trying times with my family; my alopecia; and my little tax issue (oops!) to which he's never left my side. "In sickness and in health until death do we part". SHIT JUST GOT REAL!!!! This means you'll be there no matter what till you die. Just some fruit for thought. #thatisall
My Advice
To get you through your first year there are couple of things to keep in mind:
You have to bring patience down the aisle with you
You must promise yourself that you will forgive whatever you think might be the unthinkable
Communicate
Compromise
If the love is there, then your marriage is salvageable no matter the issue.
Are you married happily ever after and what advice to do you have?
