Alopecia - The Long Road from Adolescence to Adulthood
“I Am Not My Hair”
Alopecia ( /ˌæləˈpiːʃə/, from Classical Greek ἀλώπηξ, alōpēx) means loss of hair from the head or body." ~Wikipedia
While the definition is short and sweet, the meaning is far more profound and complex.
In 1976 I succumbed to Alopecia Areata. I was 15 years old. Can you imagine how devastating that was? How cruel my classmates were? How much more stressful that was in the midst of adolescence? On top of turbulent home life and the trials and tribulations of middle school, hair loss was an added misfortune. Not to mention that high school was on the horizon.
The Beginning
Alopecia, in my case, began with clumps. It's was a scary thing. The comb was full of hair day after day, and bald patch after patch whirling out of control. On a trip to the dermatologist, I learned about this autoimmune deficiency without a cure. And why me?
All of those lotions and potions; miracle pills; and dietary concoctions didn't work. I cried and cried and cried many days and nights. The crying never stopped. It went on for years. Now I just cry a little bit every now and then.
At 15, Alopecia was the beginning of the most traumatic event that I had ever experienced in my young life. It was the moment that would define who I am more than 4 decades later. It was the beginning of the struggles and bouts with depression I would face with hair loss as an adolescent; a teenager; a young adult; and finally a post-menopausal woman.
Alopecia is my KRYPTONITE; my ACHILLES HEEL; and my WEAKEST LINK.
Doctors
As a parent, how do you handle something like Alopecia with your child? I’m sure my mother went through beating herself up for all the perms she allowed on my hair. Then the salons chasing fixes. After all, our long-time beautician would surely have the answer. When that didn’t work, and considering the internet didn't exist, there were scalp treatments, hot oil treatments, special shampoos, and conditioners.
Trips to the dermatologist were nothing more than cortisone shots in the scalp; ultraviolet light treatments, and a powerful steroid called prednisone. One day I decided to call it quits. I gave up. It was over. Hope in a bottle was depleted.
Blame
Years ago, I use to blame my mother for my hair loss. She didn't act fast enough; do enough, or care enough. After years of learning more about Alopecia and living it, I realized that no one was to blame. I also learned and came to accept that those treatments were just a means to prolonging the inevitable. As with anything in life, you hold out for hope to come in the morning but it never does; instead, it's another day in a not-so-ordinary life and you move on.
Defining Moments
Speaking from personal experiences, a child suffering hair loss is not easy. Not only are you going through the challenges of adolescence, but you also have to deal with how to hide from the world that you are losing your hair. How do you keep the other kids from staring or whispering? What exactly do you do when that one kid decides to snatch your hat off showing off your less than perfect crowning glory? I just stood there showcasing a spotty mess and then I simply cried about it, again. Life was facing the world day after day taking care to guard against the nature of kid cruelty, bullying, and adult ignorance.
Adult Encounters - What Bothers Me Most
When eyes wander to my head while you are holding a conversation with me. This makes alopecia sufferers extremely uncomfortable. I know that while you are attempting to engage with me, you are trying to figure out what's up with the hair or lack of. That sort of multitasking is not considerate. I want to appear as normal as possible to the world.
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When you ask questions like, "Is that your real hair?" or "is that a weave?"
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When you stare and whisper
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When you want to put your hands in my head to check things out.
What I Wish People Would Do
Compliment my hair if you truly like it and if you don't, silence is golden.
If you would like to question my hair because you have concerns about your own, I welcome you.
If you are just curious, that's okay too, but don't yell across the locker room asking me about my hair that I don't have.
Always speak to me privately if you suspect that I'm different. I'm happy to speak on the subject of alopecia. I am all about awareness but please be gentle and respectful.
How do you cope with misfortunes? How do you treat others who are different from you?
